A Note to Self: "It's quarter to three..."
"It's quarter to three..." is the first line from my favorite Frank Sinatra song, "One For My Baby." I've been thinking a lot about Frank lately for obvious reasons.Funny enough, it really is quarter to three in the morning and I really don't want to go to sleep. In a few short hours I'm going to bury my father and something inside of me is saying that if I don't go to sleep then tomorrow will never come and Dad will still be with me. I know this is not the case. I will eventually fall asleep and this time tomorrow I'll never see my father's body again.
At this moment in time I really can't explain what I'm thinking or feeling. I know Dad is in a better place now. He isn't suffereing anymore. This is what I wanted. This is what I asked God for so many times, "Please God, take my Dad today." So, if this is what I wanted why do I feel so sad? Well, perhaps I'll find the answer over the course of time and between now and then I'll listen to Frank and think about Dad.
Listen / Download: One For My Baby - Frank Sinatra
Labels: mp3 download
1 Comments:
Very nice Paul.
It is obvious that you loved your dad very much. It is obvious that he had a major imput on your life, too. He was a good person to emulate.
The months that follow will be difficult. At first you will find yourself not believing he's gone. That usually takes quite some time to settle in. Also, you will say often, "Oh, I'm going to have to tell Pop such-and-such when I go to visit him. You'lldfc feel real disappointment when you realize you can no longer do that.
After awhile when you think of your dad, you will find yourself smiling because there were so many good things you shared. And because of all the good memories, they will overshadow the last months watching him suffer.
There will be other 3:00 AM's when you might be having difficulty sleeping. Luckily you can put on a cd of "Old Blue Eyes" and he'll keep you company while you think and reminisce about your dad.
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